I sometimes hear from women who tell me that although their husband has been saying that he wants a divorce, they’re beginning to feel a little bit of hope that he might be coming around and changing his mind, at the minimum just a little bit. I often hear comments like “I’m starting to speculate that maybe my husband isn’t so sure that he wants the divorce anymore. He’s starting to act a bit differently and more receptive to me, but I’m scared to ask him about this because I don’t want for him to back off. Are there any signs that I can look for that might indicate that he doesn’t really want a divorce anymore?”
There can be some signs that signal that he’s conflicted or unsure about the divorce. These vary from man to man and from relationship to relationship. But, I’ll discuss some of the more shared signs in the following article. And I’ll also offer some suggestions about what to do if you’re seeing these signs.
Sign Number One: He’s Affectionate, Interested, Or Attentive: Men who have one foot out the door and are sure they want a divorce are usually looking forward and so they close themselves off from their wives because they fully believe that she will soon become his ex wife. So, it’s slightly uncommon to see a husband who wants or has filed for a divorce keep at the minimum physically or sexually interested in his wife. Sure, many men are courteous and try to keep present in family life because it benefits every one to be cordial.
But men who are starting to have doubts about the divorce will sometimes take this a few steps further. You’ll feel attentiveness or a little spark that perhaps you haven’t felt for quite some time. Most wives speculate that they can feel this difference. If you are feeling it, just continue to see if you can build upon it without making such a big deal that it scares him or gives him pause.
Sign Number Two: He Doesn’t Seem To Be Looking Forward Or Taking Any Initiative To Move On: When a man is sure that a finalized divorce is going to be on the horizon, he’ll typically begin rearranging his life with this in mind. He’ll get a separate bank account, begin looking for another place to live, and generally try to get his affairs in order because he knows that all of these things are going to be necessary in the near future.
But, a man who isn’t really sure what his future holds might drag his feet toward these things or not complete them at all. Now, some men are just procrastinators who don’t make changes until they absolutely have to. And, you know whether or not your husband falls under this category. But, wives who speculate that their husband is moving slowly because he’s having doubts will generally see other signs that help to confirm this.
Sign Number Three: You Get The Sense That He’s regularly Reevaluating You (And Perhaps The Marriage) And Wondering Whether A Divorce Might Be A Mistake: Men who are sure that they want a divorce because it’s the right thing to do or is the appropriate answer may second guess themselves at first, but most who go by with the divorce find their resolve somewhere along the way comparatively quickly.
Men who are doubting the divorce will often show their internal struggles with this decision externally. They might truly verbalize questions for you that are meant to test you or the relationship in order to help them decide if the divorce really is a mistake. I’ve had wives tell me that their husband has literally made comments like “I hope we don’t regret this divorce or figure out later that it was a mistake.” Sometimes, instead of directly addressing the increasing rapidly, they’ll instead take a walk down memory lane and say things like “we really did have some fun together didn’t we?” Or “I want you to know that I really will always care for you.”
What To Do If You Think Your Husband Doesn’t Really Want A Divorce: There’s no question that the idea of your marriage being over is a hard reality to deal with. So, it’s understandable that you may be tempted to closest go and straight up ask him if he really wants a divorce or if he’s really going to go by with this.
I would recommend rethinking this strategy, at the minimum for a little while. If your husband is struggling right now with this decision, pushing too hard may cause him to pull away. In my experience, it’s often a better idea to just build upon at all event “ins” he gives you. If he’s becoming more receptive and more interested, then follow up and build upon that without putting more pressure on the situation or trying to define it. Because it’s possible that he’s unsure right now. So, you want to wait to ask the question until it’s obvious what the answer is going to be.